


Someday, I'll Tell You

by TinCanTelephone



Series: From Tumblr, With <3 [5]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, But mostly fluff, Endor, F/M, Light Angst, Mild Drunkenness, Pre-Relationship, Sleepy Cuddles, Tree Houses, cuteness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2018-06-08
Packaged: 2019-05-19 16:14:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14877119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinCanTelephone/pseuds/TinCanTelephone
Summary: Jyn retreats from the party on Endor for some peace and quiet in the Ewoks' treehouses. Cassian finds her, a little tipsy from the Ewoks' home brew, and for once says exactly what's on his mind.





	Someday, I'll Tell You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [anothersadsong](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anothersadsong/gifts), [SleepyKalena](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleepyKalena/gifts).



> For @oh-nostalgiaa's prompt on tumblr: "You make me want things I can't have." 
> 
> For some reason I was really inspired and I had a lot of fun writing this little piece :) I hope you like it. 
> 
> It's also for @sleepykalena because cuddles <3

Jyn wasn’t sure what was in the drink the Ewoks were serving, but it must’ve been quite something because Wedge Antilles fell on his face after taking three steps on flat ground. 

But she wouldn’t know, because it apparently didn’t mix well with the Rebellion’s standard painkillers, currently dulling the pain of the collarbone she’d fractured during the strike on the shield generator. Kes had assured her (between bouts of vomiting) that it wasn’t worth it. 

So she was sober, trying to find some amusement in the writhing mass of drunk soldiers composing the makeshift mosh pit as loud music played from the Millennium Falcon. 

But it was difficult to find the same sort of carefree joy in the moment. With the empire as good as defeated, she lost the enemy that had defined her entire life. It made her feel weightless in a way she didn’t quite like. Almost too free, like she was drifting with no purpose or direction. 

She wondered if Cassian or Bodhi felt the same, but drinking seemed to bring out Bodhi’s competitive side and when she last saw them they were engaged in a series of escalating dares. This told her that Cassian must be well into his cups as well, if he was humoring Bodhi like this. 

So she stole away and began wandering up the Ewoks’ labyrinth of bridges and treehouses. Gripped by a sudden urge to try and find the highest point in the network, she began climbing (awkwardly and mostly one-handed) every ladder and she could find as high as it would go, until she reached the top of what seemed to be a watchtower and sat down, her legs hanging over the edge of the platform and her arms resting on the low wooden rail. 

There was a period of time, just after the battle of Scarif, when she couldn’t stand being up this high, where every drop down felt like standing at the top of the data tower. But Jyn couldn’t bear the thought of the weakness someone could exploit, so she made a habit of standing on a bridge in the main power core of Home I for fifteen minutes every day until she could control her heart rate. 

So she felt perfectly calm on the Ewoks’ watchtower, far above the crowd and the noise, where there was a breeze but the air was warmer. She rested her chin on the rail and took a deep breath. The heat was making her sleepy, and she was considering the merits of sleeping up here under the stars when she heard a noise below her. 

She started, wondering if it was an Ewok coming to wave a spear at her and chatter about how she shouldn’t be up here, but when she looked down the shadow moving on a bridge one level below was too big– definitely human. 

“Hello?” 

The shadow reached the wider platform directly under her and stumbled. Maybe they were drunk. 

“Are you okay?”

Another grunt, and the figure looked up. 

“ _Cassian?_ ” What in heavens was he doing up here?

“I found you!” His face lit up in a wide, childlike grin and she smiled back, although she doubted he could see. 

Charmed (and a bit concerned he’d stagger too close to the edge of the platform), she clambered down the ladder to catch his shoulders and steady him. 

“I found you,” he said again. He leaned into her arms as he said it and for a moment their faces were so close her heart started doing funny things and she wondered,  _Is this it? Is this happening now?_ But then at the last second he shifted and hugged her– still gently, minding her collarbone, but with his whole body, his face tucked into her shoulder. 

“You disappeared,” he said. 

“I know. I’m sorry.” 

He muttered something else and swayed in her arms. 

“Why don’t we sit down?” she said, trying to guide them to a sitting position. She sat on the edge of the platform again, although this one was much larger and there were torches spaced around it for a little light. 

“Okay, let’s sit down,” he said. Far clumsier than she was used to seeing him, he plunked down on her good side, his thigh flush against hers. 

“Good job.” She grinned and on impulse, ran a hand over his hair. She swallowed when it was softer and thicker than she imagined. She had to resist the urge to run her fingers through it. 

“Where’s Bodhi?” she said, to distract from the red in her cheeks.

“Gone,” Cassian said, his head dipping to touch her shoulder again. “I dared him to go talk to Luke. He never came back.”

“That’s too bad,” Jyn said, although she couldn’t hold it against Bodhi, who was probably having the time of his life right now, finally finding the nerve to talk to his crush. 

“It’s okay,” Cassian said. “I missed you.” He paused. “But I couldn’t find you.” Gently (he was always so  _gentle_ ), he wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her even closer to him, so they were locked in a soft half-embrace. 

“You found me now,” she said, trying to memorize the feeling of his arms around her, trying not to move in case he retreated. 

“I know. I’m so happy.” He turned his face into her neck and Jyn wanted to press her hand to the back of his head and hold it there. “You make me so happy,” he continued. “But also a little sad.”

Jyn frowned and leaned away, tried to see his face in the torchlight. “Why do I make you sad?”

He was still smiling at her, but a smaller, almost resigned smile. “You make me want things I can’t have.”

Jyn blinked. “What can’t you have?” Cassian spent his whole life denying himself. If the war was over, if they were free, she’d spend the rest of hers trying to give him whatever he wanted. 

But he shook his head and turned his face away. “I can’t tell you.”

She put her hand lightly on his jaw and turned it back to her. “You can tell me anything.”

He shook his head again. “Not this.” He stayed facing her, cheek resting in her hand, but his eyes stayed down at their knees. 

She watched him for a minute. “Okay.” She supposed he’d say when he was ready. She lifted his chin again, wondering if she could see a little of what he was thinking this time. 

His face wasn’t expressionless, there was none of the spy-flatness that she hated, but there was also nothing written on it. Just a hazy smile as he looked back at her and a slow, weary blink. 

“Tired?” she said.

He shrugged. “A bit.” He slumped backwards so he was flat on his back on the platform, one arm thrown over his head and the other on his stomach. “Let’s sleep here.”

She raised an eyebrow. “You’ll regret that in the morning.”

He shrugged. “’S nice up here.” He shuffled his legs, getting comfortable. “’S warm.”

He didn’t seem to feel like moving anytime soon and she certainly couldn’t make him, so Jyn gave up and laid on her back to his left, squinting at the stars through the canopy. 

He was silent for a long time, so long she thought he was asleep, but then he caught her hand with his and held it tight. 

“Someday I’ll tell you, Jyn,” he murmured.

“Tell me what?” she whispered, although his eyes were closed. She waited, but as she watched his breathing even out and he fell asleep. 

So she looked back up at the trees and let her eyes fall shut as well, the heat washing over her like the warmest blanket she’d ever known and Cassian’s hand still wrapped up in hers.

**Author's Note:**

> [Original Tumblr Post](https://cats-and-metersticks.tumblr.com/post/173913084015/rubs-hands-together-how-about-you-make-me)
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading/comments/kudos! They always make me smile :) 
> 
> Come say hi on my tumblr- I'm [cats-and-metersticks](https://cats-and-metersticks.tumblr.com/)!


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